Life has been very difficult for me for more than a year now simply because I have been seriously stupid and naive.I could blame everyone around me but I know now it is my fault.I have trusted people who aren't worth the T of the word.I have cared for people who don't deserve the affection.At the end of the day when I am still stuck with all the emptiness and void,I wonder why I wasted my days like I did hoping things would change.
This is why I always say,its easier dealing with animals than with any human being.Animals have very simple behavioral pattern.They either like you or they don't and when they don't they make that very clear from the point GO.But with humans there is all that manipulation to deal with,the confusions,the "mixed signals" as one might say.Its such a waste of time I feel.
In the past year I've met people who were severely insensitive to others feelings,who would twist any tale to victimize themselves and act the matyr,who would never agree that they are wrong!Why on earth didn't I see it coming?I wish I saw them for who they were,I wish I didn't keep convincing myself that what was so obvious wasn't the truth.
Life shouldn't be so pyrrichal!I have learnt my lesson now but with the experience I carry all that hurt,the ghosts of my dreams.These will haunt me for a long time to come in hours of silence,in times of solitude.Did I deserve this?YES!I don't know how many of you who chance upon this blog will agree with me on this logic but I believe that each experience shapes us differently than the previous one.We are constantly moulting and with each new form we take,we are ready to face a different world,different kinds of people and situations.If I hadn't been the innocent me,I would never have met these people and gone through so much.But now I have changed.I doubt the new me would have given these people a second glance had I met them for the first time today.
My cousin once told me..."if something hasn't killed you then it has only made you stronger".Thats sounds optimistic!When I do get over all the anger,pain and lonliness I shall soon realise that stronger side in me.
1 comment:
vivek - the thing is I have been with animals so much that I really appreciate loads of qualities in them be it the wily snake or the slippery eel :-)
Right now their company seems more relaxing than humans who have thoroughly ruined my peace of mind for sometime now....
But thank you for the concern.
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